Ban the Tube Top
by HeidiBug731
Summary: The members of Shippers Anonymous decide to give Malfoy a little payback. Ron takes it even further, but the plan back fires and he ends up confessing one of his darkest secrets. A fanfic Challenge. Written post HBP.


This fanfic was writen in response to a Challenge posted in the forums of the HarryPotterRealm.

_**Fanfic Challenge #9**_

_Someone must decide that Snape is shagging McGonagall. This can be a correct or incorrect assumption._

_Ron is to be rendered mentally 'off'. You decide how._

_A Slytherin must challenge Peeves somehow._

_Someone has to speak in third person._

_Cross dressing or very gay makeovers should be included._

_This whole thing must end in some shebang-debacle, and at least one person should be snogged, either willingly or unwillingly._

_Word count 1500._

* * *

Ban the Tube Top

" . . . Snape/McGonagall."

"Eww. Gross."

"I swear they're shagging."

"Stop it, Lav. You're giving me bad mental images."

"Yeah, and you'd be good at those, wouldn't you, Hermione?"

"Lavender!"

"I could always go back to you/Snape."

Hermione threw a pillow at her. "Whoever thought that up and spread it around . . ." She made a show of strangling an imaginary someone in front of her. "Just you wait. They're gonna regret it."

"Like we said, it wasn't one of us." Parvati told her. "We wouldn't start something like that."

"Yeah," Ginny agreed. "We might think it up, but we'd never put it into circulation."

It was another meeting of Shippers Anonymous. The four Gryffindor girls sat on their sleeping bags in the Room of Requirement, eating ice-cream and discussing their favorite ships.

"Yeah, well, anyway." Hermione turned back to Lavender. "I think Dumbledore/McGonagall is more likely."

"It will never sail," said Ginny.

"I didn't say it would sail, I just said it was more likely."

"I think both ships are sunk way down at the bottom of the ocean." Parvati added. "Let's talk about me/Firenze."

"Let's not." The other three girls muttered in unison.

"Hooch/Snape is a little better," said Ginny. "Still gross. But better."

"Anyone/Snape is gross." Hermione pointed out.

Lavender held up her right hand. "I swear, it's Snape/McGonagall. It's cannon. And you three are going to have to deal with it."

Ginny shook her head. "Go write a bloody fanfic."

* * *

Meanwhile, Draco Malfoy walked the corridors . . . flanked by Peeves.

"Out of bed. Out of bed." Peeves cackled. "Should tell Filch, Peevesy should."

"Get stuffed." Draco told him. "I'm a prefect."

"Up to no good. Peevesy knows." Peeves continued.

Draco was trying to figure out where those Gryffindor girls had gone off to. He'd seen them seeking around earlier, and he was positive they were up to something.

Peeves flew down next to Draco and blew a loud raspberry in his ear.

Draco wiped his extremely wet ear with his hand. "Kiss my arse." He challenged.

Peeves inhaled and seemed to expand like a balloon. Then he let the air out yelling, "STUDENT OUT OF BED! STUDENT OUT OF BED!"

Draco took off running. Yes, he was a prefect. No, he wasn't supposed to be on that particular floor. Maybe, he could get away with it since Peeves seemed to give Filch as much trouble as he gave the students, but he wasn't sticking around to find out.

* * *

BANG!

The door to the Room of Requirement burst open. Whoever entered hadn't been invited.

"Get 'em!"

Ginny was the first one to move. Soon the room was filled with light and the sound of curses. It was only after the air had cleared that the girls realized who they'd rendered unconscious. He looked a little different with the bat wings and tentacles and feelers that had sprouted all over his face, but there was no mistaking Draco Malfoy.

"What's he doing here?" asked Hermione after a shocked silence.

"Let's ask him." Lavender pulled a bottle of Veritaserum out her pocket.

Hermione grabbed her arm. "Where'd you get that?"

"The same place I was at when I became a Snape/McGonagall shipper."

Ginny gapped at her. "Are you saying you got cornered-?"

Parvati cut in. "While they were-?"

"I would really like to live without the mental scarring of that image." Hermione interrupted. "Just shut up. I don't want to think about it."

"So, why the Veritaserum?" asked Ginny.

"Well, I had to do something to keep my mind off what was happening on the other side of the door. Anyway," she turned toward Draco. "I came across this, and I was thinking we could each take some of it and then play a truth game or something, but this looks like much more fun."

"I don't know. Students aren't supposed to-"

"Hermione, stop abiding by the rules for once."

"Let's do it," said Ginny. "But first . . . who for Draco?"

"Parkinson," said Parvati.

"Blaise Zabini." Hermione offered.

"Millicent Bulstrode." Ginny grinned.

"Harry."

The girls turned to face Lavender.

"Why," asked Hermione. "Are you in this club with us?"

"Because I make the world of shipping interesting." She turned to Draco. "Now let the interrogation begin."

But half an hour later, Draco hadn't said anything they could use to blackmail him with. However, they did find out who had started the Hermione/Snape rumors.

"Wait, don't curse him." Parvati pushed down Hermione's wand. "I've got a better idea."

* * *

"Wow. Who did he tick off?"

"Obviously a girl."

"Quick, Colin, take a picture."

Harry, Ron and Colin were the fist ones up the next morning. They'd gone down to the Gryffindor common room to find Draco Malfoy asleep in a chair, covered with lipstick, eye shadow, mascara, eyeliner and whatever else girls put on their faces. He was also sporting a tube top and a mini skirt with matching high-heeled shoes.

"You know what would be great?" said Colin, raising his camera. "If we could pass him off as gay. I mean, this is obviously a prank but if we could . . ." He told them his plan.

"No way," said Harry, shaking his head. "Not happening."

"I'll do it."

There was a long silence.

"You're off, mate." Harry finally told Ron. "Mentally off."

* * *

"I do _not_ kiss guys!" Ron was saying for the umpteenth time.

"Not according to this picture." Seamus laughed as he waved the photo in front of Ron's face.

It was a well-disguised picture. The lighting was bad, but Draco Malfoy shone in all his feminine glory. The identity of who he was snogging was hard to tell, but the person was obviously male with a shock of red hair.

"You said it was fool proof!" Ron hissed at Colin once Seamus had walked away.

"I didn't realize your hair was going to stand out."

"And you're the fool who agreed to do it." Hermione laughed. She seemed to find it as funny as Seamus.

"At least Malfoy isn't getting off easy." Harry pointed out. "Everyone in Gryffindor Tower saw him, and he still hasn't gotten that make up off. Someone must have charmed it."

Hermione laughed even harder.

"Are you done eating?" Ron asked Harry. "I want to get out of here."

The trio got up and headed for the Entrance Hall, but Ernie Macmillan started their way with a copy of the photo clutched in his hand.

"Oh, for the last time!" Ron shouted. "I'M NOT BLOODY GAY!"

The Great Hall went quiet. All eyes were on Ron.

"Prove it!" several people shouted.

Ron was so frustrated that without even thinking he grabbed Hermione and kissed her.

Hermione found herself in blissful lip-lock. When she pulled away a full sixty seconds later, she was breathless.

"What's the verdict?" asked Ernie after a long silence.

"Ron . . ." Hermione said slowly. "You are . . ."

There was another uncomfortable silence.

Hermione shuddered slightly. " . . . so gay."

"Yeah, you're right." Ron admitted quickly. "Sorry."

They shook hands and went their separate ways as the Great Hall erupted with talk. Ron walked out the doors, with a baffled Harry in tow while Hermione sat back down at the Gryffindor table with her fellow SA members.

"So," she said. "Who for Ron?"

"Well . . ." said Ginny slowly. "We can cross off Romilda Vane."

End


End file.
